How TF Does Someone Read The Signs

Recently I feel like we as a society have been going through it. As the annoying person I am, I have it permanently engraved in my brain to try and find the positive in every situation. Not in a cute/endearing way but in an obnoxious/dense/ignorant way.

The way I try to be positive is to see what the universe is trying to tell me. For example, if I wanted to go out with my friends to a concert but I also know I should probably stay home and study, but then suddenly my tire blows out so I need to buy a new tire. This seems like a random inconvenience but now I am broke and don’t have any money to pay for the concert. This is the universe telling me to focus on my school work and make that a priority. I do see, in recent years, a huge tidal wave of emotions/shortcomings approaching in a way that I can no longer see the glimmer of light and have decided to drown instead.

What do you do when you could no longer read the signs. At this point, I fully believe life is no longer trying to tell me and guide me and is now just trying to fuck with me. Life, if she was a woman, of course, would be sitting on a gold throne with her perfectly sweet and suckles purple grapes, giggling as I have a nervous breakdown. She is truly messing with me for the fun of it all.

But are things that happen to us meant to teach us something? Do bad things happen just to happen? Am I meant to effectively pull my metaphorical “bootstraps” and move on with my life? Am I just grasping for straws at some higher power with every inconvenience? Is a bad day just a bad day?

As I sit here trying to reconfigure my entire existence I think about the possibility of who I could be 20 years down the line. I start to feel dread when the fact that I could be the same exact person 20 years later. Not in the fun way of I’m always optimistic and I stayed optimistic throughout my whole life, but that even when I’m older ill still be making a giant collage board of all my inconveniences and sobbing over the fact that I can’t read the message that’s in front of my face. Then I’ll have a panic attack about the thought that life is pointless and the collage in front of me has no message for me.

I try to end with a positive note, always, but I also want to be real. If I’m being real, I don’t have anything positive to end with right now. I’m still trying to decode my message. Good luck decoding yours.