My Twilight Lipgloss

When I was younger I did this thing. Well, that’s a way to start an article, I mean don’t most kids do things essentially. Well, the thing about me is I didn’t do anything when I was younger and I also used to have a problem with compulsive lying. Which I know will make me an unreliable narrator for the rest of this article, but please, stick with me on this one.

When I was younger I remember buying (begging my mom to buy me) lipgloss from some random brand that I could’ve even told you the name of now, all I remember is that the lipglosses packaging was based on the movie Twilight. Like most tweens, I was obsessed with Twilight and wanted anything and everything that had to do with the franchise. I had a Twilight board game that I made my grandparents play with me, which they didn’t care for since it was just a bunch of movie trivia and which I loved since I always won.

This lipgloss was stunning, it was a clear gloss but it had the most sparkles to this day I have ever seen. Not in a baby prostitute kind of way but in a vampire stepping into the sunlight and beaming like the bottom of a makeup artist's makeup bag. I also remember it smelling like fake cupcakes and like early CoverGirl makeup but the scent was very comforting. When I first went home with my new purchase I took it out of the packaging carefully, opened to smell it, swiped it across my lips once, and then carefully placed it back to never be touched again. I didn’t hate it, I loved it too much that I thought, “best to save this for a super special occasion”.

A couple of weeks later I went to school where a girl whom I knew was also obsessed with Twilight had gotten the same lipgloss. I watched in horror from across the classroom as she took it out to reapply 3 times within the hour. Logically your thinking, well of course she would use it she’ll just buy another when she runs out. I didn’t grow up with a lot of money and I don’t want to assume about her financial situation either but I was completely shocked when my mother even bought it for me in the first place. I didn’t even think to ask again if I had ever run out, so logically in that case I just never used it.

I’m not sure how but this girl and I ended up talking later in class that day. She pulled out her lipgloss once more to which I said, “oh I have the same one!”. She replied with how much she loved it and I agreed. Side-note, I would also like to mention the fact that I was an annoying child as well and I gave this girl my unsolicited opinion and told her that I was too afraid to use mine because I was only saving it for a special occasion. She looked down and put her gloss away with a sad look on her face as if I just told her my mom ran over her dog.

I feel terrible now for making this girl feel bad about using something that she owned because you know what I did? Nothing, absolutely nothing. All this time saving my gloss for a special occasion, which what did I genially expect was going to happen that Nick Jonas himself was randomly going to find the address to my house, not care that I was a literal child and ask me out to a movie premiere date with him, well yes actually I did expect that and spoiler alert this is not Priyanka Chopra writing this. I found the gloss several years later as I of course completely forgot about it, it was far too expired for me to use even if I did have some special occasion when It was reintroduced into my life. The sparkles were crystalized and chunky, the clear gloss had turned into a rotting yellow, and the fake cupcake smell that had once been comforting was now making me gag.

I think I carry this mentality a lot in life to this day. I save things in my life until I feel I am worthy to use them. I save all my money and don’t spend it in case of emergencies. I save my nice clothes at the back of my closet in case I am the princess of Genovia when I could just use them today. I don’t need an excuse to do things I want to do in life. I have watched so much of my life go by and reeving my engine until the light turns green. I’m starting to realize I’ve been on a freeway this whole time and I just need to step on the gas and go but it’s hard. Life is scary and beautiful and fun and all these things in more, but I think the scariest part of it all is allowing yourself to live it. Put on that lipgloss friends.